Since starting my own business I have had a very hard time finding a balance between work and family.

Due to my husbands job, and the fact that I work at home it falls on me to pick up the children from daycare. I have no problem with this. Our daycare is open until 4:30pm. Since we do not currently own a car, I have to walk to get them, so I leave around 3:30ish so I can be there at 4.

I don’t know how other parents do it, but my kids are always the last to be picked up. They are also the first to be dropped off. Either way, during the day, if I give my self a lunch break I only get about 5 hours of work time. This is not enough, so I spend most evenings after the kids go to bed working. This has provided for many long nights. I am pregnant, and I am tired.

If the kids are sick, I can say goodbye to my work day. My husbands work will not let him off anymore. If the kids have a doctors appointment, I can say goodbye to the work day as this requires me to take the child to the doctor, then have that child at home for the rest of the day.

Did I mention that I am pregnant have have my own appointments to attend to?

I am having a real struggle finding enough time to work. Yet at the same time I would like a little bit more of it… have to pay those  bills!

This week has been okay. I used to pick up the kids at 3 when I did not work. I now pick them up at 4 and this seems to give me a bit more time. It was working out well. Until today.

Today my husband told me that our daycare as asked that I try to pick up the kids at least 1 day a week by 3pm. Apparently my son has a hard time when the other children are picked up at this time and gets a bit depressed. My daughter doesn’t seemed to be bothered by it.

Hearing this brought such a sudden rush of emotion that I just started crying on the phone (yay pregnancy hormones!). It was a mixture of frustration and feeling horrible.

Frustration because I don’t understand how I am supposed to work and still have children. What would we do if I was not my own boss? How am I supposed to work and be productive? Part of my integration contract here is to work full time. This just seems like an impossible task.

I feel horrible that my son get depressed everyday when the other children are picked up. I feel horrible that my children are the first to arrive and the last to be picked up. I feel like they should be at home more.

So as of the moment, I can not seem to find that balance.

Other work at home moms, or moms that work in general: any tips? How do you find balance?