It has been a while since I posted.

I have been preoccupied, and blogging here just was not a top priority. So what has kept me away? Well…

Something I have not shared with many is that I do no know who my biological father is. In June I was given a name. Being who I am, I jumped right on it and found this person right away. I wasted no time in contacting him.

The last month has been an emotional roller coaster. There have been a lot of feeling swimming around in my head, so many questions, so many what if’s. At first when we started communicating, we were both cautious. We spent the first couple of weeks trying to figure out the best way to go about a DNA test. It was a bit complicated because he was back in Canada, and I in Denmark.

We talked everyday. We began sharing about each other. We both felt a connection right away. It just seemed right. We were both excited at the idea of having new family members.

Those what if’s had me grieving a past I could have had. The more we talked the more like we had always known each other. We were both sure that the test results would be positive. I was going to hop on a plane on Monday and go and meet my Dad.

I am not hoping on that plane.

Last night we received the DNA test results. Negative. We are all shocked, and we are also heartbroken.

I feel like I have lost a father again. I find myself grieving a future I could have had.

Today I am heartbroken. Today I feel a bit lost.