Sometimes I forget who I am. When I am having a fibromyalgia flare up all my mind can really focus on is the pain, the tiredness and how everything is just so overwhelming. Everything becomes so difficult that I forget that I love photography, that I love being creative, that I love being my own boss. I forget how nice it is to spend a day being outside.
I forget the good moments with my kids. That is a big one… my kids and my time with them.
When my fibromyalgia is bad, I become super senstive to everything. Especially noise. You can image a house with 4 kids 5 and under is noisy and full of life constantly. Over the last 4 or 5 months this combined with our move had just been too much for me. I would get overwhelmed and snap at the kids. There was yelling. There were tears. I couldn’t breathe.
But getting a proper sleep has helped. I feel like I can breathe again. I am not as quick to yell at the kids. I am slowly finding peace again.
Friday my husband took the day off so we could hang out. We didn’t do much. We packed Sophie in the car and headed to a city and wandering around a mall. Nothing special, but it was nice to get away from the house, get away from work and just be. Saturday I had to work, which sucked.
Yesterday was great. I had planned to work a couple hours in the morning. However I was tired out from Sunday, and I really couldn’t get moving until about noon. I decided to ditch work and spend the rest of the day in the garden. It was a beautiful day. I got our veggy plants planted. I got my flower bed cleaned out, and my hortensias in the ground. I got the flower bed half filled with wood chips. It was a great feeling to be outside for the day, the kids running around driving us insane (but it was okay), and just living. I am paying for it today. My hands are killing me, but it was worth it.
This morning I managed to get up by 6 am. The house was quiet so I stole a couple minutes outside in the quiet with my camera. I found the slug in the picture above and remembered how much I love photography. I am starting to remember who I am without fibromyalgia. I am learning to breathe again.