I have briefly talked about mom guilt before. It was a post about how I feel bad about working too much and how I wished I could spend more time with my kids. I think all parents have some sort of guilt when it comes to raising their children. We just want to be good enough for our kids. However I suffer from a different kind of mom guilt on top of the regular.
Before having kids I made the decision to move from Canada to my husbands native country, Denmark. I left my family behind and went on an adventure. At that time we had no plans. We didn’t know if we were going to stay in Denmark long term, but at that moment of time it seems like the right thing to do. I don’t regret that decision one bit.
Fast forward a couple of years, and I decided to get married and have kids. About a month or so before I gave birth, I started to feel guilty.
Guilty because my Mom would not be able to meet her first grandchild soon after it was born. Luckily, she was able to come about 2 weeks after. But it was soon after this visit that I realized that I had taken something away from her. She would not be able to see her grandchildren grown up in real life. Instead the best I could offer her was video calls, and moments in time every couple of years.
This really set in when I had my second child. The first time she met my son when he was 8 months old.
I now have 4 kids, and I am tormented with this guilt all the time. And not just for my mom, but for my brother and his wife as well. I feel terrible that they have 2 nieces they have never met, and that they don’t really know my kids. And my kids don’t know them. It breaks my heart. I hate it. It hurts. It makes me incredibly sad.
We try our best, and we do do video calls with my Mom regularly. This helps immensely. My kids know who their grandma is, even though they speak another language. We just wrapped up a visit with her, and they were beyond excited to have her here and they way the acted around her was as if she has been a part of their life. And she is.. just in a different way.
But today, as she flies back to Canada, I am overcome with guilt. I feel like I am taking something away from her and from my kids (and I have/am).
Here is the thing though, there is no way to make this guilt go away. If we were in Canada, then we would be going through the same guilt, but with my husband’s family. In this respect, there is no win/win here. We just have to do our best, and I am sorry that my family got the bad end of the deal.
I will have to live with this kind of mom guilt and do my best that my children know their Canadian family the best that I can.